What is the difference between being alone and feeling lonely? Being alone means to be around nobody, to be all by yourself. Loneliness is an emotional state whereby you feel that nobody understands your feelings, nobody can relate to your problems. Thus, you can be alone yet not feel lonely whereas you can be among friends yet feel lonely. At times, it is important to be alone as you will need that private moment to do your own things. As such, there will be times when you hope to be left alone and not be disturbed. Then there are times when you are with a group of friends, yet still feel lonely as your friends could be discussing things that do not interest you and you felt left out. Or worse still, your friends do not seem to understand your feelings or share your sorrows when you needed them most, making you feel very lousy and lonely. Everybody likes to be left alone at one time or another but nobody likes the feeling of loneliness. Since loneliness is an emotional state, it can only be rid off by nobody but yourself.

The only way not to feel lonely is to love yourself. Why do I say that? When you are in love with somebody, you will feel that the person is your ‘everything’ and that he/she is the only person in the world who understands you best. But the truth is, it is impossible for anybody to truly understand your feelings simply because your loved one is not YOU. Only YOU, YOURSELF will understand your own true feelings. In fact, no matter how close somebody is to you, there will be times when they just don't understand you or know what you want or how you feel. The fact that they are so close to you, you would probably feel confident that you can totally rely on them for support, so when they can't, you will be devastated; you will feel being let down by them. Suddenly you feel the loneliness and worse of all, the pain.

Many people choose to fall in love with members of the opposite sex to avoid feeling lonely. If you have your own special someone, you will no longer be lonely as he/she will be by your side most of the time, to double your happiness and to half your sorrows. But can falling in love with somebody really solve your feeling of loneliness? I would say that it does but only to some extent and it is only a temporary solution. It is unrealistic to expect someone to be always there for you such that it is safe for you to lean on him/her. There will be times when his/her needs are in conflict with your needs, in such cases, what would he/she do? What should he/she do? Moreover, if you really are relying on someone, do you want him/her to be the sort of person who will bend towards your needs or do you want him/her to be strong and have a will and a mind of his/her own? For that matter, what would you do if someone you love and truly care for, wants to do something that is contrary to your needs or values? Of course, it will be wonderful if there is someone there for you all the time but that should only be seen as a bonus, not as a right. In fact, even those who are married have their fair share of loneliness. Thus, the only permanent solution is to be independent; to be emotionally independent. And to do that, you first have to fall in love with yourself. Loving yourself is so important, yet, for many people, it is so difficult both to do and to acknowledge and to some it is even unthinkable or down right crazy.

You may feel that it is ridiculous to fall in love with yourself, especially for those who have poor self-image and low self-esteem. We have always been taught to be modest towards other people and to be humble about our achievements by our parents and teachers. If we want any praise or approval, it must come from other people and not from ourselves. Even when we do receive it, we are supposed to downplay it, saying things like we don't deserve it. So from young, we have been made to feel that other people are more important and better than us. Thus, we can't love ourselves unless other people love us first. Well, to me all that is NONSENSE. We are all unique in our own way and each of us is talented in one way or another. We should accept praises as and when we deserve them and to be proud of our achievements. We should love, admire, respect, acknowledge and feel good about ourselves. Of course, I am not advocating that we talk only about ourselves and brag of our achievements all the time. What I meant is that we should learn to become comfortable with ourselves, to start focusing on our good points and stop criticising ourselves; to become contented with who we are; to be confident that it is our opinion of ourselves that matters and that we can look in the mirror and say to ourselves, "I love you. You are so wonderful". We must grow to feel more positive about ourselves. Instead of saying things like, "Idiot, I shouldn't have done that." and then go on to spend the rest of the day sulking, we should say things like, "Well, next time I must do it differently." Try looking at the bright side of a bad experience and you will be amazed by the effect it has on your mood.

However, do bear in mind that when I want you to fall in love with yourself, I want you to like yourself as who you are; to accept yourself as who you are and most importantly, to be confident of who you are. Anything, however beneficial, done in extreme will only have the adverse effects. As such please do not fall so deeply and madly in love with yourself that you become a self-centred, self-admiring and selfish person. Or worse, you feel that nobody is worthy of you except yourself. When that happens, not only will you become lonely, you will also be living in your own world where there will only be just you and yourself. So for goodness sake, don't overdo it as you will still need to have friends from the outside world while at the same time becoming your own best friend.

In conclusion, to fight against loneliness you must be emotionally independent and to achieve that you need to have self-confidence, high self-esteem and to feel good about yourself. Once you can do that, loneliness will not haunt you or ever break you down again. Start taking control of your own life and live each day to its fullest. Stop relying blindly on others' support and live under the mercy of their moods. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, you are what you are today as a result of your own doings, so start loving yourself and look forward to a whole new life.

P.S.
No one cares about you as much as you do.
Stand on your own two feet. Be your own best friend.
No one can let you down unless you are leaning on them.